On Code-switching and Authenticity

Code-switching is a difficult topic for me. I grew up in the hood, I have a PhD in code-switching from years at private schools; I often struggled with embracing my own blackness, the sweet Southern slant of my voice with the deep roux timbre. My true voice is a dark roux taken just to the edge but never burnt, honey-biscuits on Sunday morning, the soft gooeyness of a fresh baked blueberry pie.

When I learned to code-switch, no one taught me to how to switch the code on and off and when it was safe to do. I was trained to use my "phone voice" at all possible moments and didn't feel comfortable code-switching outside of those I am close to or in the privacy of my home.

Then, my phone voice took on a life of its own complete with her own persona and aesthetic. I had been invaded by this off-brand of imitation whiteness that was suspect to Black people. Black folks sometimes felt put-off because I was speaking in code and not giving them my authentic self. And, I felt so much shame around my regular sweet, Southern voice that I did not even realize that I was switched out all the time. I internalized so much shame that my phone voice took over.

My true voice, like buttered honey became the voice for my deep emotions or the domestic life I love, cooking oven-fried chicken in my kitchen or baking. The warmth of my true voice is as sweet as my dutch apple pie and as thick and heartwarming as my gumbo in November. But, I was denying myself and others my true voice until my code-switch broke one day in public.

I attended an Emergent Strategies Immersion in New Orleans. "emergent strategy" is a phenomenal book by adrienne maree brown. She has taken the book and created an immersion to bring the princriples of emergent strategy to life. In the immersion, you can choose your group from the main principles of the book. I chose transformative justice. I got what I asked for.

In the group, one person triggered me. They triggered me so much that I could no longer uphold my polished private school code-switch. It was just me left raw. They broke the switch. Out emerged a Black Southern woman who spoke her whole truth. It was probably one of the first times if not the first.

In fact, it has taken me weeks to write about this because the vulnerability I felt in those 4 days. The shame came after from decades of hiding my voice. At the immersion, my true self was embraced in a way that I had not known before. I also never gave it a chance before. It was amazing to stripe away that mask of elitism and just be authentic. It was transformative to be surrounded by people affirming my truth.

Now, I work to honey all my words in the Black, Southern sway of my English. It is a new opportunity to be my authentic self in the world, one that I embrace.

#esiino

#ESII

#Emergentstrategy

To learn more about the emergent strategy immersion or support their phenomenal work, visit https://www.alliedmedia.org/esii