On Time and Depression

Time blends together in a strange way when you are depressed. It moves forward and stands still at the same time. It turns so slowly, churning moment after moment.

Time waltzes around you and leaves you without a dance partner just watching it move and getting lost in the dance.

Time stands still holding you on the edge of a cliff and waiting just waiting for you to flinch because it might drop you of the side and watch you free fall.

Time holds you hostage and blindfolds you so you can not see it moving, you just know you are a captive of Time. You know there is no escape but to unshackle yourself and move with Time.

To move with Time, start with small steps in the moment. It does not have to be a complete waltz, just learn one step. And then another until you are back in sync with Time. Good first steps are getting a planner and writing down important dates and times. Schedule therapy but also schedule something that would normally be fun for you that you have the capacity to do now or sometime similar to your normal activities but at a slower pace. Your planner can be a lifeline to reconnect you with Time.

If a planner makes you feel like you are hanging from a cliff, start with a daily agenda where you schedule your hours. Still include sometime that you would normally enjoy doing. Sometimes, you may be able to reconnect just by creating a rhyme for your day and following it.

Be gentle with yourself if you take a brief detour, but remember you can get back to the schedule. It may not be a dance with Time, maybe it looks like dance practice, but that is exactly what you are doing. You are practicing reconnecting with Time. This happens at your own pace, your own rhyme. Remember a dance takes two, Time and you, so move at your own pace.

Lastly, do not worry about what you missed. Give yourself the space to say "I needed Time to get through depression or a crisis and that is okay."